It Hit Close to Home
I remember the first call to my friend very clearly. She had shared many of the same struggles, the same fears. She was young like me and she had so much ahead of her. It was while we were speaking that all of my memories of the empty forward abyss reappeared. I became deeply and fully aware of how intensely my isolation had held me back.
I had wanted so badly for someone to reach out and grab me, to tell me that I was going to be OK. I needed to know that I was going to not only survive, but thrive! I had been seeking solace from people who could not know how to serve it up.
My family loved me, but they could not tell me how losing feeling in your hands actually deepened feeling in your soul. They could not tell me that there are going to be days when your body will give out in the freakiest ways, but it will still be all right. My family didn’t know what it was like to walk without feeling your feet hit the floor. They could not meet me in my torment and say, “Yes, but you are still you!” My family was there for me but they did not know my experience.
Experience leads to understanding. Understanding is the key to connecting with people in this world. We need people in our lives who can empathize with our experiences. We are not solitary creatures. We need people, each and every one of us.
Multiple sclerosis is a disease that slowly shuts off our experiences within this world. Our sight can disappear, leaving us without the ability to see our children grow. Our sense of touch can be stripped away. I once lived six months without feeling in my hands. I was no longer able to feel my toddler son’s silky hair with my hands. I used my wrists instead.
We can lose our mobility too. Walking in this world can become threatened by the loss of balance and movement in our legs. This disease is one that loves to whittle away all of those little fibers that draw our experiences closer. It will isolate us if we do not fight it. The best way to fight that isolation is to connect with the people who can find you and brighten you within that darkness.
Conclusion
I still have never joined an in-person group for MS warriors. I have, however, embraced the people in my life who fight this disease. I have also left my door open to anyone new who wants to connect and talk about their experiences.
It is important to find a way to accept who you are in this body that you have been given. We are not capable of curing our bodies of the effects of MS, at least not yet. But we are capable of curing our minds of our isolation and pain. We are a large community of people who were forced into this club unwillingly. We did not choose to join this club, but we can choose how we live within it. We don’t have to do this alone.
